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The age of euphemisms is now buckling under the age of telling it like it is, if Rodial's latest product is any indication. Instead of naming it something civilized and then offering fine print about breast enhancement, the company just blurts it out: Boob Job ($175). A serum of myrrh, wheat protein and pomegranate, Boob Job promises it works with the body's natural ways of dealing with fat cells to instantly firm and gradually enhance. Upon application, it sorta feels like when someone sticks a finger into your navel—it's not exactly uncomfortable, but something's clearly set the delicate balance of your existence aquiver. And that's how you can tell the product is working. At Fred Segal in L.A., at Space NK and Henri Bendel in New York.
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With biodynamic algae, green tea and fruit enzymes, Elemental Herbology's Deep Cleanse body wash ($42, at Space NK) is perfect for what happens to our skin in the summer (please don't force us to use terms such as bacne). And it smells like it, too: grass, a bit of pool, with a bite of fruit. Plus, it comes with an extra-punishing scrubbing mitt, proffering the kind of treatment you get in a Korean bathhouse... Layering fragrances with soap can be a breeze or a hurricane, depending on our sense of creativity on any given day. Removing some of the difficulty is Malin + Goetz's new Geranium Body Wash ($18, at Malin + Goetz), a blissful bouquet of flowers and greens that calms down by the time you hit the towel... On the other hand, when we're looking for a spectacularly fragrant body wash to grope us all day, we turn to the vegan selection at Pattern ($20 each). The black pepper and ylang ylang, while cleansing, leave us smelling dirty in the good way.
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It sticks to your teeth, smells like grandma and has the consistency of that stuff on a candied apple—all the things science has fought to prevent, and here it is again in one pot of gloss, Lipstick Queen's Shine ($22). But hold up, stay with us. This is creator Poppy King's sense of humor and, as per usual with her creations, there's a bit of wicked fun involved. (She's the one who invented matte lip gloss, remember?) Basically, Shine is a bespoke gloss, a throwback to the days of shiny pants and making out in muscle cars, without any of the lasting effects of what it used to be, i.e. staining, bleeding, fading. Once the little temper tantrum is over, it's dazzling and dependable as a disco ball. At Barneys New York locations.
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Let's not kid ourselves—if it won't look good in the bathroom cabinet when our nosy guests go snooping, it's probably not coming home. That's a real shame for Terralina and Patyka, two lines with exceptional prods one might just overlook. You'll find the pizzazz inside the bottles, though, namely in Terralina's Gentle Facial Cleanser ($24, online). A tender, pH-balanced, semi-exfoliant made from 99% natural ingredients, it whipped our hyper-managed skin into shape within a week. Meanwhile, Patyka, as soft-spoken and graceful as a Victorian heroine, just released pretty much the only viable European-certified organic cosmeceutical line anywhere. Eye Contour ($62, online), our favorite from the Biokaliftin range, goes on with a faint, then wakes up and gets all protective, pumping itself up into a serious cream that truly tightens. Bonus points for growing and extracting all its own materials—and in the South of France, no less.
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